Royce Shook

4 months ago · 1 min. reading time · visibility ~10 ·

chat Contact the author

thumb_up Relevant message Comment

English is a pain

The following was written by Alan Balter and passed on to me by my friend George

Enlglysh is a Pane

Hear eye sit inn English class;

the likelihood is that eye won't pass

An F on my report card wood bee worse than swallowing glass

It's knot that eye haven't studied, often till late at knight

Butt the rules are sew confusing, eye simply can't get them write

Hour teacher says, "Heed my advice, ewe must study and sacrifice"

Butt if mouses are mice and louses are lice, how come blouses aren't blice.

The confusion really abounds when adding esses two nouns

Gooses are geese, butt mooses aren't meese; somebody scent in the clowns

Two ultimatums are ultimata, and a couple of datum are data

Sew wouldn't ewe expect it wood bee correct fore a bunch of plums to be plata?

And if more than won octopus are octopi, and the plural of ox is oxen

Shouldn't a couple of busses bee bussi and a pare of foxes bee foxen?

Let's talk about spelling a wile, specifically letters witch are silent Words like "psychologist" and "wreck" shirley make awl of us violent

And another example quite plane witch is really hard two explain

If it's eye before e except after sea, then what about feign and reign?

The final exam will determine how eye due, weather eye pass ore fail

I halve prepared as much as eye can down two the last detail

I'm ready two give it my vary best inn just a little wile

And then isle take a relaxing wrest on a tropical aisle.

(By Alan Balter)

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.

The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.

"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.

 Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms.

 

W56Gx.jpeg

group_work in beBee Writers and in 2 more groups

thumb_up Relevant message Comment
Comments

Royce Shook

4 months ago #4

#2 Ken, I did enjoy your post, very well done, funny and informative.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 months ago #3

Lol. It sure is! Or, as they say in my home town, it shore is!

Ken Boddie

4 months ago #2

I still remember my teacher repeatedly asking me, “Where’s your grammar?” She just wouldn't accept that my grammar was at home with my grandpa. You may enjoy my post on this subject, Royce. 
https://au.bebee.com/producer/speak-english-why-don-t-you 

This made me smile @Royce Shook. 😀

More articles from Royce Shook

View blog
2 days ago · 2 min. reading time

What is the Mind diet? Part One

I have lost some friends to Alzheimer's and am awa ...

6 days ago · 1 min. reading time

The Umbrella--a touching story

I do not know if the following is true, but it was ...

2 weeks ago · 1 min. reading time

Fear of Retirement

The following is from a survey of over 1,000 Ameri ...